IDIOTS FOR DUMMIES

You know those stupid books like Juggling for Idiots, or Windows for Dummies? There's about a million of them and, although they pretty much suck, I want in on the action. I figured that a nice 10k advance would help me buy that new Vespa Granturismo 200 and get most of the way to Vegas (the great Cross-America scooter adventure). 

But I want to write about stuff that people really need to know. Useful things. Like how to make a really good zabaglione. How fat is too fat? Or what to do when you're on a date and you've forgotten your wallet! Who cares about juggling and the internet, right? So here's my idea: Idiots for Dummies. A brief sample of the contents (feel free to write in any you can think of - I'll post the best ones later in the week): 

IDIOTS FOR DUMMIES

1. Fashion: Stretch pants, dickies, and mullets for the rest of us. 

2. Sex: Can you really catch something from yourself? All about Solitary Social Diseases     

     (SSDs). 

3.  Superstition: The new science. Even crazier than Scientology. 

4.  Reading: Not all it's cracked up to be. Are adult picture books the next big thing? 

5.  Scratch tickets, coffee, and nicotine. Oh my! A look at what really makes the world run. 

6.   Programming your VCR: You can master the technology in 2.6 hours. 

7.  Ecological street drugs: an abuser's guide to saving the environment.